🧠 When “Heat-Off” Approaches Are Best
When someone’s nervous system is *defended*—stuck in vigilance or emotional shutdown—logic and coaching can feel threatening.
Heat-off means lowering the social “temperature”: gentle tone, physical safety cues, slower pace, fewer words, and visible compassion.
Heat-off means lowering the social “temperature”: gentle tone, physical safety cues, slower pace, fewer words, and visible compassion.
Heat-Off Ways to Check In (Tap to open)
Try
“What’s your read on how things have been—lately or in general?”
Why
Reduces pressure; signals interest, not interrogation.
Try
Relax brows, soften eyes, slow your voice slightly.
Why
Broadcasts “safety cues” that calm the nervous system.
Try
“You’ve been on my mind—I wanted to check in because I care.”
Why
Expresses care without hierarchy; invites equality.
Try
“All good—just wanted you to know I’m around.”
Why
Signals non-contingent caring; builds long-term trust.
Try
“If you say you’re thriving on back-to-back Zooms, I’ll know you’re lying.”
Why
Lowers the stakes; makes honesty feel safer.